Being Fully Who We Are


I love these lines from Dr. Seuss’ Happy Birthday to You. When I think of this I remember how important it is to be who I truly am. Being who others think and say I am supposed to be is of no value, except maybe to the people whose game I’m playing.

I know what it feels like to do what others say I should, and be who I am not. In my need for acceptance and approval, I did this. Attempting to live in a fake personna is wearying. We can only pretend for so long. Imitating others may work for a while, but eventually we grow tired of it.

Trying to be who we are not is a burden that over a lifetime becomes too heavy to carry. The heaviness wears us down and keeps us from our greatness. The worst part of trying to fit a specific image is we live so long in this false sense of Self, we begin to think it’s true.

When we start thinking about finding our true Self, our mind begins to engage in denying our need to do this. The more denial there is, the more resistance to growth and change. We must be willing to give up what we think is true and what we think we know, to achieve consciousness and our sense of Self.

 Where do we find the keys to transformation so we can unlock the doors to find Self?  We start by using the gifts of awareness, quiet, and willingness. Finding Self is a spiritual journey and not a one-time practice. It’s an inside job.

A few exercises to start the process of discovering what we lost and left behind as children are:

1. Find a quiet place, relax and take a few deep breaths. When you’re ready answer the following:
If you could do anything you wanted to do, what would it be? Make a list of what you really like to do, not what someone told you, or suggested or hinted at, for you to do. Do not censor your list.

2. What would your ideal life look like? Pretend you’re writing a book about yourself and your ideal life. What would the title be and what would your first paragraph say?

3. Write 5 words that describe who you are. Be careful  not to write what you do (like teacher, plumber, etc.) or what roles you play (like mother, father, son, etc.). Your list needs to be words that say who you really are. Do not censor this list.

Work these exercises as you would if you knew no one would ever see or know what you wrote.  If you need to you can tear up or burn your answers when you are done.  

Look over what you have written. Are there any surprises? Have you learned anything new about yourself? Spend time alone in a quiet space and notice what you are feeling. Are you afraid, excited, anxious, or happy and peaceful?  Whatever you feel is okay. There is no right or wrong here. There is only truth.

When we get in the habit of spending time alone with Self and opening to what is already there, we can learn a lot about our life. If you are new to the process of excavation I recommend you consider reading one or more of the following:

Mindfulness for Beginners by Jon Kabat-Zinn
You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay
Finding Your North Star by Martha Beck
Appetites by Geneen Roth

I also recommend a support system. When we begin the process of uncovering Self, those around us sometimes become nervous. Change can be scary. Many times the people close to us are afraid that if we change, they may have to change also.

 We are the captain of our ship, the master of our fate. It is up to each of us to do the necessary work to find and live our authentic Self.


About brendamarroy

blogger, and author
This entry was posted in Awareness, Books, Change, Consciousness, Healing, Making choices, Mindfulness, peace, personal, self-acceptance, spiritual and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to Being Fully Who We Are

  1. Thank you for your wonderful suggested exercises and reading. I’d rather be fully me than be someone I’m not any day. It would become quite exhausting.

    • brendamarroy says:

      Hi Amberr, It is so totally exhausting to be in that position. Thanks for your comment.
      P.S. I wish I lived close enough to you to spend time picking your brain on blogging stuff; like how to use Flickr. I seriously need some tutorials.

  2. Years ago I would have uncovered some new truths about myself…but today am aware of who I am and I am where I want to be..It took a lot of trial and error though learning this…Diane.

  3. coachdougbowers says:

    An inspiring and challenging post. I married a most wonderful lady and within the first year she was ravaged by Lupus.She and I battled it side by side. Through those years I spent many many hours in clinics, labs and hospital rooms…waiting…quietly…alone. That’s where I really discovered myself.
    Today she is a vibrant lively young girl again, finishing university and working as an interpreter.Thankfully, thorough those tough times, I became… me.

    thanks for the wonderful read.

    • giannakali says:

      hey there coach,
      I was going to say how chronic illness helped me find myself…it’s great to hear it can help partners (caretakers) find themselves too…I so often feel distraught about how much my husband has given up…

      in any case to respond to Brenda, it’s a very important post and I do feel blessed in that when it seemed like everything was taken away from me…to the point that I was literally bed bound for 2 years…the outcome was that within my very limited life with very limited capacities, I was able to find out who I was because when all responsibilities are gone (I simply could do nothing, literally) all you have left is what you need to do for yourself and wow…now I am in touch with who I am and it will be with me always…as I get better and I suppose even if I don’t get all better.

      thanks for reminding me that there is joy even in the pain and difficulties of life.

      • brendamarroy says:

        Thank you Gianna. I don’t think the journey to recover Self is ever an easy journey. It can be peaceful and filled with joy, but I’m not sure about easy. It is awesome though that once we re-connect,we always have that connection. Love and hugs to you. 🙂

      • coachdougbowers says:

        It may sound strange but I think it’s the pain in life that made me realize how much joy there is. Otherwise I may have just continued to drift along almost aimlessly. Gkad things are looking up and I pray that life continues in a positive manner. YEAAAH BABY YEAH – live, love and laff.

      • coachdougbowers says:

        It may sound strange but I think it’s the pain in life that made me realize how much joy there is. Otherwise I may have just continued to drift along almost aimlessly. Glad things are looking up and I pray that life continues in a positive manner. YEAAAH BABY YEAH – live, love and laff.

    • brendamarroy says:

      Thank you Doug. When I think of finding Self I think of different analogies like peeling an onion, digging for treasure, pulling back cobwebs, etc. The road to Self can be a tough one fraught with sadness, emotional pain, and sometimes physical pain. BUT, something I’ve learned is no matter how much it hurts I can still find my way through with joy and peace.
      It’s remembering who I truly am and that life is what I say it is. It sounds like in your stillness with your pain, you found Self.
      I’m glad your wife is better. Thank you for reading my blog.

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