When I got up Thursday morning, I noticed I was feeling a little unsure about a couple of things in my life. I picked up my Essential Rumi book, which I read every day. Opening it, I turned to where I had stopped the day before, and read this poem:
Today, like every other day,
We wake up empty and frightened.
Don’t open the door to the study and begin reading.
Take down the dulcimer.
Let the beauty we love be what we do.
There are hundreds of ways to kiss the ground. Rumi
The last two lines seemed to jump off the page and hit my solar plexus. As I re-read these words, I realized my fear and doubt were quickly being replaced with overwhelming gratitude. At that moment, I felt compelled to stop questioning myself, and to take stock of the things in life that I truly love.
One of my loves is nature. Since it was a sunny morning, I decided to put my books away and go outside to drink my coffee. As I sat out back, looking at the budding trees, the white Amaryllis blooming in the dark red pot, and the tiny birds at the bird feeder, I felt renewed. I sensed my uncertainty diminishing, and being replaced by hope and joy.
There is something present in nature that calls to me. It is both magical and mystical, it pulls forth a song from deep within my being, and I feel more alive. It sharpens my senses, lifts my heart, and reminds me that all is well in my world.
Another thing I love is that I get to take part fully in the life I have chosen. I don’t have to wear a watch or keep track of time, nor do I have anyone requiring anything of me. I remember those long-gone days when my four children were young, and my time was not my own. I did not realize then, that “this too shall pass” was really true, and that in time my children would be grown and gone, and my life would change. Even though that was a busy time for me, if I could go back I would not alter a thing. I know for a certainty, that though there were many hectic, and sometimes chaotic moments, I was living life as I chose.
When I spend my days writing, I’m doing what I want to do, and fulfilling a dream. I live my passion and have the good fortune of getting up when I want, eating when I want, wearing what I want, taking naps when I’m tired or sleepy, and looking like I want to look.
I’m privileged to share my days with a beautiful, loving husband who is kind and gentle, and who loves me unconditionally. Our marriage is filled with romance, laughter, and a sharing of values and basic beliefs.
I appreciate the beauty of continually being hungry and thirsty for more of Spirit, and of having faith and trust in something greater than me, which abides within. I hold sacred my belief in the connection of everything, and in goodness and compassion.
I could fill tomes with the beauty I love, and yet I see how easy it is to forget all that I have and all that I am. Too often I get caught up in uncertainty about my writing, and before I know it I’m doubting myself and what I’m doing. That critical parent who lives in my head, pulls me backwards and questions my abilities.
When this happens, I forget who I am and what I love, and in my forgetfulness I become frightened, and think I’m wasting my time. Then, by the grace of god, Spirit nudges me and reminds me once again, that I am following my passion and living my truth.
It is in those moments, in the midst of remembering, that I take down the dulcimer and put away the books. Feeling like a breath of fresh air is blowing over me, I step outside and lay on the ground. With my face buried in the earth, I whisper words of thanks to creator for all I have and all I am.
I leave you with two questions.
1. What do you love?
2. Are you doing what you love to do?
I would appreciate hearing your responses.
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