Our story is what we tell ourselves about life and its events as they apply to us. We let our story take center stage, and we play it out moment by moment. It becomes our identity and we fear letting it go or giving it up, because if we do, we may have to face who we are and what we feel at our core. We use our story to cover intense pain that we’d rather not deal with, and to justify our life.  However, in truth, we need no justification. Our experiences just are what they are and our true feelings present themselves as gifts. Giving self permission to sit with pain, requires an act of courage.   

I am sad when I watch how hard humanity works at running away from feelings. It seems the last thing we want to do is feel (unless the feeling is happiness), and as a result we become master escape artists, putting Houdini to shame. Some of the escapes we use are food, alcohol, busyness, telling and thinking about our story,shopping, entertainment, drugs, resolve, and denial. We easily get stuck in our refusal to see and be with what’s there, and so we continue to carry the pain. We become heavy with it all and wonder why we’re tired or nervous or in some cases, can’t sleep or concentrate. What an enigma humans are. We carry within us the ability to heal our selves and yet, we deny the gift.

Something I notice while being present to pain, is how guilty we feel when we let it go and let it in. I’ve been with people who, while sobbing their pain, stop in the middle of crying to apologize for their tears and sadness. Another thing I notice is how many of us need permission to cry or to feel. I find myself saying, “It’s okay to feel your sadness( or anger or whatever).  Just let it go.” It’s disturbing that we’ are a society who are so afraid of being with our feelings, we make them wrong and run from being present to them.  

I’m certainly no exception to what I’m writing about. I sometimes catch myself in the middle of running away and know I’m faced with a choice. I can either get quiet, stop looking for a resolution, and acknowledge what I’m feeling, or I can stay in denial. I’m learning what works for me, and I’m aware of the changes in my life as I summon up the courage to be with whatever is there.

I catch myself struggling with the fear that threatens to envelop me over my husband not having a job, and other family issues. When I feel like I’m going to be overwhelmed by it, I know that the gift I can give myself is quiet, so I can  push through the pain and let it come to the surface. I call it by name and feel it in my body.  Sometimes it feels like the fear and anxiety is going to swallow me whole and then spit me out. But, here’s what else I see that encourages me to continue to be present to it. As I sit with it and breathe through it, it’s slowly losing its power and I’m seeing a sliver of light. Instead of a false sense of optimism and unreal positive thinking, I find myself sinking more and more into a calmer place of really knowing that everything is okay. It’s okay not to know what’s going to happen today or tomorrow.  Whether I have everything or have nothing, I’m still okay, and I have nothing to prove or resolve.

Giving up our story is not easy, because we become attached to what we tell ourselves and we become the story. We can set ourselves free to be with the feeling instead of the story, by acknowledging what we feel. After all, our story is just that, a story.


About brendamarroy

blogger, and author
This entry was posted in Consciousness, Feelings, Making choices, spiritual and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.


  1. tornadoday says:

    Our faults are our freedom; our scars but reminders of where the wings will grow. I love this………….and I love being imperfect.

    • brendamarroy says:

      Embracing our imperfections does create a huge space for freedom to manifest. There is no better feeling than the joy of being authentic and loving Self the way we are.
      Thank you for your insightful words. Hugs to you. Brenda

  2. gingerclub says:

    Dear Brenda,

    A wonderful post at a right time. As we all get swirled around in life, we have to face our emotions in order to stay healthy, mentally and physically. Only when we are aware of them, we can take a look at them, accept them, and go on. It is almost meditation. There is no light when there is no darkness, no joy when there is no sorrow. Both are what they are, nothing good, nothing bad. Wishing you and your mom and your husband all the best.

  3. Sharon O'Connor says:

    Thanks for a timely reminder. I know this but need to be reminded of the story. It’s true and seductive because we weave the horror stories into our fairy tales, until it all feels true or we feel we are great pretenders. Recently I have been challenged by old unhealthy relationships surfacing, presenting me with new offers to engage again. I remember the “old story” the “old hurts” and the universe seems to have been teaching me “not to care” to toughen up and move on with better boundaries. In the quiet place, I have continued to care for these people, as people, and acknowledge my part in the story and sit with all of that, but something cooler inside of me has me rebuffing them all. In a time when love is the answer to everything, the spiritual refrain is unity, harmony. And so I’m unsettled by new offers to engage, I’ve been honouring a cocooning time from most relationships and regained peace and a unaccountable happiness. So to steal a line from a Tale of Two Cities . . . It is the best of times, it is the worst of times . . .
    Thanks for posting this, I will re-read this again and again.

    • brendamarroy says:

      Thank you saying it so eloquently Sharon. Our story is sooooo seductive, which is why it is easy to believe and get caught up in. Perhaps, “It is the best of times, it is the worst of times” is story also. What do you think? Story seems to follow me everywhere and keeps showing up in my “it just what is.”

  4. Just at dinner this evening, I shared with my wife that rather than trying to avoid or run from the pain I feel inside today, I am allowing myself to “sit with it,” to allow it to be present, to teach me what it needs to teach me this day. Thank you for your insights.

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