YOU CAN’T HEAL WHAT YOU CAN’T FEEL

Last week, I received a couple of e-mails with comments about my sadness, suggesting that I should not be sad. I am grateful for all loving thoughts that comes my way, because I appreciate being cared about. However, it concerns me that we, as a people, are not willing to look at emotions that we consider negative because they do not make us feel good. As I share my healing journey with the world, I hear the discomfort that it elicits in many. There seems to be a need for everyone to be positive,upbeat, and cheerful, while eschewing any “negative” feelings that may be brewing, or old wounds that may be festering. What are we supposed to do with these feelings, if it’s wrong to look at them, expose them to the air and sun, and let them heal?

I believe feelings are neither good nor bad, they just are what they are.  My feelings are emotions that are coursing through my body; they are not who I am.  I have a habit of saying, “I’m sad”, or “I’m happy”, which is not entirely true. I’m Brenda, and I’m life and light, but what I may be feeling is sadness or happiness.I practice not dividing what I feel into good or bad, because if I make some feelings bad, then I will not want to let them in. It’s important to be with whatever is present in my emotional being, because that’s how I know what I need to focus on, that will ultimately enable me to see and experience more of life. Our emotions are a gift to us, in that if we learn to pay attention to them, we can let in bigger chunks of life.

It seems I’ve been writing quite a bit about sadness, which takes me into a quiet, soft place. I get very still with sadness because my intention is to listen for what it might be saying to me. In the quietness, I am aware of those precious, surprising moments, when I hear or see something that allows me to shed the tears I’ve stuffed and denied myself. I’ve noticed that one word, thought, or picture, can break open that concrete case that holds my tears at bay, and create freedom and a space to unleash my sorrow. I never want to miss an opportunity to cry. I feel cleansed and calm after I have a good cry. Over the years I’ve been told by many, “I don’t dare cry, because if I start crying, I may never stop,” or “What good is crying about something that’s over and done?”

Tears are a gift that allows us to discharge sadness from our body and soul.  As a child I was often told, “If you don’t stop that crying, I’ll give you something to cry about,” or harshly, “Stop that crying now.”  I learned to stuff my sadness and hold back my tears. What I know today is how important it is to deal with those obediently stuffed hurts from the past.  Until I do, every day events and issues in my present, activates my unhealed pain. 

To feel sadness is productive, it’s when we deny it and hide it without any acknowledgement, that it becomes dangerous. It’s easy to shut out pain and sadness without knowing what gifts they are bringing. Our “bad” emotions, when carried within, begin to clamor for attention. If we swipe these feelings away like a pesky fly, we’ll miss what we need to see , feel, and heal.

When I pay attention to my sadness, not by getting underneath it and carrying it around,  but by acknowledging it and being quiet with it, it finds a way up and out, and sometimes dissipates without my being aware of it. I had acupuncture the other day, and after the practitioner had inserted the needles in my body, he said on his way out of the room, “Rest now.”  As soon as he closed the door, I felt tears welling up within me, slowly making their way to the surface. As the tears rolled down my face, I laid on the table relaxing  and feeling the release in my body.  When I was through with my appointment, I walked out into the sunshine feeling like a renewed soul.

Many times I don’t know why I’m sad, all I know is what I feel. Knowing why is not what’s important,what matters is giving myself permission to feel, in order to maintain a sense of wellbeing.  If we’ve been denied our feelings and told that they were wrong, we may need for someone to tell us it’s okay to feel.  After all, consider how many tell us it’s not okay to cry, to hurt, to be angry,or  to be afraid. Think of how often you hear these words, “But, you shouldn’t feel that way,” or you say, “I’m angry,” and the other person tells you, “don’t be ridiculous, there’s nothing to be angry about.” It is unconscionable for us to attempt to make someone’s feelings wrong, and then try to take those emotions away because we’re uncomfortable with what they’re feeling.

My message to the world is, “It’s okay to feel your emotions. It’s okay to express what you feel without harming yourself or others. You can’t heal what you can’t feel, so love yourself enough to let your feelings in. They’re a gift, and  because you are carrying them within, they are a part of you.”

I wrote this poem in 2007:      

RAIN AND TEARS                                     

I hear the rain falling                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        

softly at first…

I listen as it hits the pavement and the ground

and gently saturates the earth.

A beautiful, magical, cleansing sound.

Clouds get full and release water upon the earth.

So do we.

Humans, crying their sadness and their joy.

A release of fulness in the heart,

beautiful, magical, cleansing.

Cry.

My prompts for last week were: tire, loop, and smudge.

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About brendamarroy

blogger, and author
This entry was posted in Consciousness, Family, Feelings, healing stories, inspirational, life musings, Making choices, personal, Reflections, spiritual, Thoughts and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to YOU CAN’T HEAL WHAT YOU CAN’T FEEL

  1. gingerclub says:

    Thank you Brenda for this beautiful poem. It is definitely important to become aware of one`s emotions and not to suppress them as this may lead to all kinds of sicknesses such as depression or high blood pressure. However, it is also good to focus on the beauty of life despite our feelings. The best healer for me is being surrounded by nature.

    Peace and smiles

    Ginger
    http://beatbloodpressure.wordpress.com

    • brendamarroy says:

      Thank you Ginger. I love being in nature also. It revives me and I feel at one with trees and earth.
      Being in balance is important., that’s why I believe it’s so important to be open to it all. Life has its ups and downs, and I’m grateful that my life is filled with beauty and tenderness. I appreciate your comment.

  2. I left a message on your page, regarding. this. You’re words and poem are so lovely, Brenda. Feeling emotions of all kinds, acceptance and staying with them for a time, without ruminating leads to a release, which in turn allows one to abide in peace…body, mind and spirit. I ‘ve had difficulty allowing myself to feel, fear of them,…running from them in so many different ways. Now that I’m truly working on this with meditation, accepting myself and situation, feeling gratitude for the simplest of things I can abide in peace. When I fall off center, my “pain body” comes for a visit. “Power of Now”. Fatique, aches and pain. The best part of all this, is to become one’s observer. Once, becoming aware of this….I feel empowered. Thank You, Brenda.

    • brendamarroy says:

      I see you’ve read The Power of Now also. What a wonderful spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle is. Thanks for your comment. You and I are on the same page so all I can say to what you wrote is AMEN. I’ve been very aware in the past year or so, of how much time I do spend observing. Interesting you should mention that. I appeciate you taking the time to read my blog.

  3. Beautifully written…and yes…being present with whatever the emotion you are experiencing at the present time. Don’t pull away from it, it is there to teach us something, to reflect, and go through it. I am often intune with my emotions whatever they present themselves to be. It’s not to say what are the right and wrong emotions we must exhibit, but rather we are conscious of them, awake in knowing and exhaling the sigh of that feeling right in that moment. We are human…we touch…we feel…we are emotions~ Wonderful words, beautiful poem~
    Maureen~

    • brendamarroy says:

      Being human, and in the habit of listening to how we communicate with each other, I can’t help but notice how uncomfortable we are with feeling our emotions, and with letting others feel theirs. I’m delighted that we met each other on this journey to wholeness. Thank you for your beautiful and thoughtful comment.

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