Recently I’ve been thinking about the people I’ve chosen to surround myself with..and feeling grateful that they’ve also chosen to be in my life. My prompts from Paul for last week, fake, end, and drop, all seem to relate to my topic for this blog. How do these words tie in with choosing friends and lovers? Simple. It’s wise to choose people who are genuine and who are willing to be present in the relationship, and when we find ourselves associated with someone who is not there for us, it is just as wise to end or drop the relationship. One thing I know I don’t need is superficial friends who are not available.
When I was younger I had a few girlfriends, but my basic instinct was not to trust women. Instead of seeing women as my sisters, I saw them as competitors for the attention of men. I felt safer having a male as a friend, because I considered women to be cutthroat and catty. That was my experience when I was growing up and it was real to me. Girls of my generation learned to define ourselves and measure our value by how attractive we were to boys. It was insane, but it was all we knew, and unfortunately this mindset is still propagated by a society that revolves around men. Women tend to get lost in the shuffle and as a result we lose our connection to other women.
I would still be a part of that belief had I not been ready and willing to embrace the feminine face of god. Seeing the balance of feminine and masculine in god, made my vision of the essence of womanhood clearer. Embracing a god who looked like me, elevated my desire to embrace myself and to honor my true inner beauty, power, and strength. I read books about powerful women and began to study women’s herstory and along the way I found myself being drawn to the sisterhood. As I learned the importance of women’s relationships with each other, my life started changing drastically. Until I began to see my own courage and power, I was afraid to live alone or be alone, so I allowed anyone and anything into my life. However, as my knowledge of myself grew, I started embracing my women friends as comrades, and with their help I found the courage not only to live alone, but to enjoy the solitude of my own company.
I met the most incredible and beautiful women in my women’s circles. This is where I learned to open my heart and my life and to trust my sisters. There’s something very empowering about sitting in a circle of loving, conscious women. Before I knew it wise and nurturing women were showing up in my life and I was quickly building a family of women who were supportive, real, and who were willing to remind me of who I was when I forgot. I’ve been friends with some of these women for thirty years and though we’ve been separated by time and distance, our bond is as strong as ever. I believe our relationships have endured because of our trust and our willingness to be real and down to the bone with each other. When we get together we have fun, and laugh and joke, and talk about nonsense, but the bulk of our togetherness is centered on our hearts and our truths. I have many other women in my life (besides my closest friends) and they have all been chosen because of their beauty and their desire to bond with the feminine.
Women need women and because our friendships with each other are so important it’s necessary to choose wisely. I have many acquaintances who I like and respect, but my friends are different because we open our hearts to each other. I choose women who will give me what I give them, which is love, encouragement, acceptance, and authenticity. My friends engage with me and are there for me, as I am there for them. Besides my husband, my girlfriends are my lifeline. I draw strength from them and they help me to see myself more clearly.
I wish I could say I chose my husband from the beginning, but since I wasn’t looking for anyone, nor was he, our coming together was not a conscious choice at first. We started out liking each other and we quickly realized we were in awe of what we were each bringing to the table. When I think of all the men I’ve sifted through and been through over the years, it’s wonderful to finally be in a space where, when the time was right to make a choice, I was able to choose a man for his inner being. Instead of looking for someone to make me happy, or complete me, I was open to meeting a man who already knew he was complete.
Because of my deep abandonment issues, I usually took a hostage instead of having a relationship. I was afraid that if I didn’t hold tight and keep my partner as a hostage, he’d make a break for it when the time was right. It was such a huge healing time in my life when I was able to see my pattern in relationships. I’m grateful I spent time facing this issue and dealing with it before I met my beloved. Our relationship is part of our healing journey and my husband and I are aware that choosing to be life partners has been one of the healthiest moves we’ve made.
Look around at the people whom you’ve chosen to be in your life. Do you trust them and do you know they’ll be there for you? Are they there to support you and are they encouraging? Do they take more than they give? Occasionally, like cleaning a closet, I sometimes find there is someone in my life who I need to let go of. I don’t stop loving them, I just let them go because they’re no longer engaged in the relationship. When I have to be totally responsible for keeping in touch, I know something isn’t right and it’s time to walk away. I don’t believe relationships should be draining; quite the opposite, they should be fulfilling. We all know when we’ve been in the presence of a vampire who has sucked the life out of us. It’s okay to choose to surround yourself with people who fill you up, instead of those who tear you down and empty you out. It’s your life and it’s your choice. CHOOSE WISELY…